is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
