At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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