im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
