hotel room ftw
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
