i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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