It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
