2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Barsexuality is the new black.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
