Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
