I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
