I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
