if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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