Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
