I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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