i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
