Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
