i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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