It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
