It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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