Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
