the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
