I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
