nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
