If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
