nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
