I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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