meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
