you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
