I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
