Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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