the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
