i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
