And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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