its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
