people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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