Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
