so explain again why im purple
no
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
