Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
try to milk me bitch
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