New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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