I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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