508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
