So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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