6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
