best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
