do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
