What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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