I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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