Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
