I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
