You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
