remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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